


The Mistletoe Divination

by galfridian



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-21
Updated: 2008-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-01 16:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/358903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galfridian/pseuds/galfridian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheldon, Penny, and the traditions of mistletoe and bickering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mistletoe Divination

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this week's fiction challenge at [](http://sheldon-penny.livejournal.com/profile)[**sheldon_penny**](http://sheldon-penny.livejournal.com/)

Although Sheldon had long-accepted Penny as a permanent participant in his daily life, and in secret had unwittingly compiled a sizable list of her attributes which he deemed admirable, he still discovered from time to time that she could be quite burdensome. Prior to Penny's move from Omaha, Nebraska to Pasadena, California, Sheldon and his comrades had enjoyed a life mostly free from the tiresome norms and traditions imposed upon the general public by society. Familial obligations notwithstanding, a casual acknowledgement of major holidays was acceptable amongst the group. Penny, however, had other ideals.

Case in point: Christmas 2008. When Penny announced she had no intention of traveling home for the holiday, Sheldon had mistakenly hoped that—beyond gift-giving—she too had transcended societal expectations. But, no. Penny had instead hoisted holiday traditions upon them, the culmination of which was a Christmas party, despite what Sheldon considered tangible evidence that he and the others were not suited for hosting such a thing. When he expressed his disappointment in his misunderstanding of Penny's decision, she'd simply shrugged and said, “To err is human,” which added further insult to the entire ordeal.

An unfortunate aspect of Penny's acceptance in their circle was that Leonard, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali openly admired her, and were willing to fulfill almost any request she had. So two days after Christmas—fashionably late, Penny insisted—they held their foolish holiday extravaganza.

If nothing else, Penny proved to be an efficient party planner. She arrived at their apartment the afternoon of the party with decorations and recipes. To Koothrappali and Wolowitz she assigned the task of decorations, having drawn sketches of where she wanted various items. She placed him in a supervisory position over the two, citing his meticulous tendencies toward perfectionism as the perfect quality for ensuring quality decorating. She brought Leonard to the kitchen and assigned him the most simple cookie recipes she had while she worked on a pair of more advanced recipes.

Penny's conclusion that Sheldon would be precise in overseeing the decorations was without fault. He memorized the arrangements she had designed and measured the perfect height for each of the elements to be placed. Her decorative choices were surprisingly classy, consisting primarily of the traditional reds and greens, but without tacky ornaments or poorly designed lights. There was, unfortunately, one failure on her part: she elected to use mistletoe as a decorative element.

“Penny, may I speak with you about the decorations?” He spoke to Penny in a gentle tone he had developed specifically for potentially confrontational situations with her.

“Sheldon, I think Raj and Howard can handle the arrangement of the poinsettias. You can sit this one out.”

“This isn't about the poinsettias. I have a concern about one of your decorations.”

She glanced at him, read his demeanor, and put aside the recipe book she'd been pouring over. “Okay. Let's hear it.”

“We cannot use mistletoe.”

“And why not?”

“Excepting the fact that it is both trite and cliché?”

“Yes, excepting those.”

“First, its origins of use and the mythology surrounding it do not coincide with Christmas by any means. Second, the belief that it is an aphrodisiacal plant though in actuality it is a hermiparasitic plant is not only ridiculous, but also baseless.”

“Actually, there is some tradition that suggests that mistletoe grew on the tree that was made into the cross Jesus was crucified on, and that the plant is poisonous as a punishment. And today most people don't kiss under the mistletoe because they believe it's an aphrodisiac, but because it's a tradition. There's plenty of other myths surrounding mistletoe.”

“...you prepared for this, didn't you?”

“No,” she replied in a tone that suggested that she really did. “I know some things too.”

“Really? Do you possess more information you would like to bestow upon me now?”

“Why, yes, Sheldon, I do. Did you know that mistletoe is also a symbol of peace? Enemies who encountered one another under a tree with mistletoe would lay down their weapons for the day. What do you think, Sheldon? Should we lay down ours?”

“Please, Penny. You and I are hardly enemies.” She grinned an awfully suspicious grin in response, but a cry for help from Koothrappali left little room for further conversation. “Very well then. You will have your mistletoe, but I must insist that proper protocol be observed.”

“Understood.”

 

 

As Sheldon had expected, there were few people outside their social circle in attendance. Koothrappali's cousin was visiting from Florida, Wolowitz had conned some poor girl into attending, Leonard had brought Stephanie, and Penny had convinced a small handful of tenants to stop by. Sheldon suspected that they wouldn't have bothered if the tempting smell of Penny's baked desserts hadn't filled the entire building, for even she was not enough to entice people to come to their apartment.

Still. Considering their social status in the building, their party was a success if it was measured by its occupancy. “Well?” Penny asked as he cleared the counter of crumbs and realigned the dessert plates. She leaned against the counter gracefully, wearing an expression of amusement as he perfected the arrangement.

“I will concede that you've done well. Your party party is satisfying in all its elements, even if Leonard is blatantly disregarding the rules.”

“...what rules, Sheldon?”

He sighed. Honestly? Couldn't Penny remember anything he said? “The mistletoe rules, Penny.” He pointed to the open doorway where the mistletoe hung, a list of rules pinned to the wall. “Leonard has implored the use of the mistletoe as a reason for kissing Stephanie twice now. While I respect his devotion to romantic gestures, he has flagrantly ignored the proper traditions. It is not only disrespectful to your choice of traditional decoration, but if the tradition is to be trusted, it shows little consideration of his future with Stephanie.”

“You're kidding? It's just mistletoe. There aren't rules.”

“Oh, Penny. How little you know. Come.” He took her wrist and led her to the doorway. “Read. Out loud.”

“ _One: A couple may use the mistletoe only the first time they stand or pass under it together_.”

“Leonard led Stephanie through that door without kissing her. I tried to stop it, but as I was across the room tending to the beverages, I was powerless.”

“I'm sure that the gods of romance will let that one slide.”

“There are no gods of romance. Continue.”

“ _Two: The male must remove one of the mistletoe's berries upon kissing the female._ There are only a couple of berries left. Someone's been removing them.”

Sheldon rolled his eyes. “Howard convinced his guest to kiss him once and he removed most of the berries. I expect little of him, so I was unsurprised. But Leonard has not removed a single berry tonight. Penny, do you see the dangers here?”

“Oh, yeah, I can see it. Leonard and Stephanie are clearly doomed.”

“Do not mock the mistletoe, Penny. Please don't forget that this was your idea. The tradition states that a couple whose kiss is not accompanied by the removal of a berry will have misfortune.”

Penny laughed. “Okay. Look.” She plucked a berry from the mistletoe. “Leonard! Come take this berry before Sheldon starts looking for a couple's therapist for you and Stephanie.”

Sheldon felt his frown turn to a glare as Leonard took the berry, gave him a look that suggested _he_ was the one in need of therapy, and returned to Stephanie's side. “Oh, like that will help. If nothing else, you've just accepted your role as the catalyst to their failure.”

It was clear from Penny's expression that she did not see the connection between her past involvement with Leonard and the potential for his relationship with Stephanie to fail. “What?” Her incredulous tone conveyed the same sentiments.

“While it is evident that Leonard has genuine interest in and affection toward Stephanie, I believe it is just as obvious that he has not forgotten his interest in and affection toward you. Clearly you share these same unresolved interests. Thus, when I watch Stephanie walk out of our lives forever, it will be safe to conclude the Leonard has realized that his inability to commit to her results from his feelings for you.”

“I'm sorry, I share what unresolved interests? Why do you think that?”

“You exhibit what television and what I've observed in Leonard's limited experiences with women suggest are the typical signs a woman has interest in a man. The last few days you've been more meticulous in your clothes and make-up, and you've walked around this party with a flush around your neck and face that suggests exhilaration resulting from being around that man. Your romantic history with Leonard confirms my diagnoses.”

Penny stared at him for a long and scrutinizing moment before laughing. “You have my word that all I wish for Leonard and Stephanie is prolonged happiness. Okay?”

She seemed sincere enough, but humans in romantic denial often are. “I don't know that I can believe you.”

She laughed again. He caught himself thinking about how pleasant it was and how his heart did this strange skipping thing whenever she did it. “Okay, Sheldon.” Stepping back into the doorway, she took his hand and pulled him with her. With her free hand, she gently grasped his neck and inclined him toward her while she placed the hand she had grabbed on her waist.

 

 

When she kissed him, he frenziedly searched the vast archive that was his mind for what he ought do. His search was difficult because his heart was thudding frantically in his chest, and so he felt himself succumb to instinct: his eyes closed, he put less distance between them, and his hand tightened around her waist.

The kiss probably only lasted a couple of seconds and went unnoticed by the others, but to Sheldon it felt like a small eternity of some mix of bliss and torture, and his paranoia suggested that all eyes were on them.

Penny smiled at him, eyeing the mistletoe as she did so. Waiting. He knew easily enough what she was waiting for: he glanced up at the lone berry on the mistletoe. He hesitated for a moment, debating the implications of everything, but finally plucked it from its spot. He placed it in his pocket. Wordlessly, Penny stood on her tip-toes—grasping his shoulder to steady herself—and pulled the mistletoe from the doorway. “What are you doing?” His voice sounded strange, but then everything seemed strange right then.

“ _Three: When all the berries have been plucked, there is no kissing permitted under the mistletoe._ I'm just making sure we follow the rules.”

“What do we do with it now?” Strange how he couldn't recall.

“You mean don't know?” Penny asked, all delight and amusement.

“Apparently not.”

“Come on. I'll show you.” She turned and headed toward her apartment.

“Penny, should we be leaving the party? A good host or hostess never—”

“I think Leonard can handle it for a few minutes.”

“Well, okay, but let's be quick.” Without further complaint, he followed her through her front door and to her bedroom.

“Women used to take the plant and place it under their pillows at night the same way the children place teeth under their pillows,” she explained. “Except women brought the plant to their bedroom in hopes of dreaming of their prince charming.”

It took every ounce of Sheldon's self-control to refrain from commenting on the barbaric concept of the tooth fair or the idealistic concept of the so-called prince charming. But he was pleased he didn't when he saw her lift her pillow and place the mistletoe underneath it.

“Now all of the proper traditions have been observed.”

Sheldon smiled despite himself. “Let's go save our party from Leonard's neglectful tendencies,” he suggested.

“Let's.” She took his hand, and he let her lead him from the apartment.


End file.
